The big C

24 September 2018 | Columns

Julienne van Rooyen

I was raised not to use the word hate, but I really hate you.

You robbed me of someone very special and she cannot ever be replaced. You took away the chance for her to see me finish school, get married, and to meet my children. She will not be around to teach them all the important things that she always tried to teach her grandchildren.

They will not be able to sit at the kitchen table and watch her while she is baking, listening to beautiful stories and being able to learn all the valuable lessons in life that she tried to teach us. These are things that our generation does not teach our children any longer. A generation has gone and with it all its history, leaving us with a gap in our lives that cannot be filled again.

She was special and loving and kind and the glue that held everyone in our family together. If I could see her again I would ask for her forgiveness. I needed to be with her in the end, but seeing her pain and suffering was just more than I could take.

I would also have taken the time to appreciate her more and not ever, even for one second, have taken for granted what an absolute blessing she was in all of our lives. I would have thanked her for always seeing the good in me and always having something positive to say. She always made time for us, and she constantly built us up in a world that can so easily break you down.

She’s gone now. All I can hope is that I am living a life she can be proud of. There’s not one day that we don’t miss her, but you learn to live with the pain.

Ever so often there will be an unexpected memory that pops up of her. It may be the smell of a perfume that reminds me of her, or seeing my children and being transported to a time in my life when I was fortunate enough to still have a grandmother. I look into my son’s green eyes and I remember looking into the same shade of color in her eyes and I am so thankful that a piece of her has been passed on to him.

After more than a decade, I still miss her. I know that her daughters miss her too, and most importantly my grandfather misses her.

It’s all your fault as you manage to so easily take away countless lives and cause so much suffering in this world. You are a part of us and could be in our throat, in our skin, or in our organs. You claim so many victims each and every day, robbing children of a chance at life, ripping countless families and marriages apart. You leave us living in fear and with emptiness in our lives.

One day I pray that someone will figure out how to destroy you and that you will become a distant hurtful memory.

But until then, I really do hate you.

Similar News


Take care of yourself

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Columns

Leandrea LouwIt’s the middle of the year, and by now a lot of us feel overwhelmed, overworked, depressed and stressed.I found myself in that exact...

Coping with a mental disorder

1 week ago - 16 June 2019 | Columns

Julienne van Rooyen I always try to write from the heart, even though my writing has gotten me into trouble at times. What I believe...

Let’s believe in this Brave Warriors team

2 weeks ago - 09 June 2019 | Columns

Adolf Kaure The Namibia senior soccer team has qualified for the 2019 CAF (Confederation of African Football) AFCON (African Cup of Nations) for a third...

In die wolke

3 weeks ago - 02 June 2019 | Columns

Otis FinckDie uitdrukking “hy's ge-olie” is nie meer wat dit was nie.Die twee daggakweekhuise wat gevind is in tuistes by die kus het my laat...

Jy is myne

1 month - 26 May 2019 | Columns

Yolanda NelJesaja 49:16: Ek het jou naam in my handpalms gegraveer . . .“Hoe bond jy met jou baba as jy nie die geslag weet...

Say no to “beer pressure”

1 month - 19 May 2019 | Columns

Gerine HoffA couple of weeks ago I wrote about how more and more people are getting on the no-spend bandwagon. Or rather, only spending money...

Education is key

1 month - 12 May 2019 | Columns

Adolf KaureLearning is a lifelong exercise. With the top two tertiary institutions in the country – the University of Namibia (UNAM) and the Namibia University...

The steps you take to create ­opportunities

1 month - 05 May 2019 | Columns

Leandrea Louw A matter close to my heart is that of talent development in our community.Clarice Gille-Theys is a writer based in Swakopmund who has...

Liewe Elizma

2 months ago - 14 April 2019 | Columns

Yolanda NelDis hartseer wat met jou familie gebeur het. En dis aaklig om te moet erken ek weet hoe jy voel, want ek was ook...

Lessons to learn for AFCON

2 months ago - 07 April 2019 | Columns

Adolf KaureThere is still a lot that the national senior soccer team needs to learn if they want to be a force to be reckoned...

Latest News

Building bridges

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Infrastructure

Construction work continues on the Windhoek - Hosea Kutako International Airport road, with works set to start again on the bridge over Frank Fredericks drive...

Skills training for ­vulnerable moms

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Local News

Ester Kamati Twenty-five young mothers from the Lidar Community Foundation are receiving skills training for the next six weeks, thanks to the support of the...

Art and pets = Animals...

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Events

The SPCA Windhoek held its annual fundraiser – Animals by Night – last week, with a spectacular event at the FNCC.According to general manager of...

We are running out of...

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Disasters

Windhoek • Elvira Hattingh The date for dams supplying Windhoek to run dry has now advanced with between two and three weeks. The reason for...

Hope for Justin

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | People

Walvis Bay • Leandrea Louw Justin Koch, a ten-year-old boy from Walvis Bay, has been ­battling with cerebral palsy spastic diplegia all his life.Born...

Help hier, asseblief!

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Social Issues

Windhoek • Rodney SwartbooiEk was onlangs by ’n konferensie op Otjiwarongo en dit was op pad terug wat ek afgekom het op ’n gesin, ’n...

Familie sonder hoop

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Social Issues

Nkurenkuru • Kenya Kambowe 'n Familie van vyf in die Kayeure-nedersetting in die Musese-kiesafdeling van Kavango-Oos bly in 'n 2x2 m-struktuur bestaande uit stukkies muskietnet,...

The heartbeat of the city

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Business

Windhoek • Lisa Plank A taxi driver cruises down the street, loud music blaring from the loudspeakers inside the car. With one hand he casually...

Pageant winner supports schools

3 days ago - 23 June 2019 | Social Issues

Winter is always a time for reflection and appreciating what you have, and this year is no different!During 2018, the first runner up of Miss...

Load More