Infertility: A silent struggle we must stop judging

Infertility and subfertility among couples have increased significantly over the past few decades, and every day, more couples find themselves facing challenges in trying to conceive.

Yet, despite how common this condition has become, infertility remains poorly understood and deeply stigmatised in many of our communities.

In many traditional African societies, when a couple struggles to conceive, the assumption is often that the problem lies with the woman. Men are frequently perceived as immune to fertility challenges. However, medical evidence tells a very different story. Current data show that infertility is attributable to male factors in about 40% of cases, female factors in another 40%, while 20% remain unexplained.

Infertility is therefore very much a shared medical condition, not a woman’s burden alone.

Sadly, instead of compassion, many couples are met with insensitive comments, intrusive questions and social pressure. Couples without children are often subjected to constant questioning about when they will “start a family”, without any consideration of what they may be experiencing behind closed doors.

The truth is that both men and women have the right to decide if and when they want children. Parenthood should never be dictated by societal expectations or community pressure.

 

What many people fail to realise is that infertility can be a long, exhausting and emotionally draining journey. Some couples have been trying to conceive for years. Others may have spent large sums of money on investigations and treatments, often with no guarantee of success.

Fertility treatment can take a heavy emotional and psychological toll, leading to anxiety, depression and, in some cases, strain on relationships and marriages.

It is therefore important to recognise that asking someone when they are going to have children is not a harmless question. For many, it is a painful reminder of loss, disappointment and ongoing struggle. We simply do not know what an individual or couple is facing, and most people are neither able nor willing to share such deeply personal experiences publicly.

As a society, we need to become more aware that infertility is a real and growing health challenge. We must learn to approach it with empathy, respect and understanding. Silence, sensitivity and support are often far more helpful than curiosity.

From a healthcare perspective, infertility remains a significant concern. In the public sector, access to dedicated fertility treatment centres is still limited, while in the private sector, fertility treatments are often not covered by medical aid schemes. This lack of access places an additional burden on couples who are already emotionally and financially strained.

Infertility is not a choice. It is not a punishment. And it is not something that should be judged or frowned upon. As our population becomes more informed, it is my hope that we will replace stigma with compassion and pressure with support, allowing couples to walk their journey with dignity, privacy and understanding.

*Dr Simon Emvula is a Specialist Obstetrician and Gynaecologist.